Breaking the cycle: effective parenting beyond physical punishment

"Spare the rod, spoil the child."

What do you think about this idiom?

Based on the Cambridge Dictionary, it means that if you do not punish a child when they do something wrong, they will not learn what is right.

 Growing up in an Asian culture, I’m no stranger to this saying. From a young age, I was raised with discipline, rules, and the occasional punishment. Objects like a broom or slippers may seem harmless, but for me and many others of my generation, they were tools used to ensure we learned life lessons, often tied to both the lessons and the pain of the punishment.

However, as I grew older, I began to question this approach. In my 20s, I realize that, although I may not fully understand every decision my parents made, there are more effective ways to guide children than using physical punishment. As the saying goes, "A child is like a blank sheet of paper," meaning they will be shaped by their environment.

If we expect children to follow rules, we must set the example ourselves. You can’t tell your child, “Don’t watch TV while eating,” and then do the same. Instead of saying "no" to everything, it’s more effective to explain why certain things are off-limits. For example, if a child wants to hang out with friends, instead of forbidding it, set clear boundaries like, "You must be home by 9, and no alcohol because you're not old enough." It’s important to explain why these rules exist—why alcohol is harmful, for instance. If they don’t understand, they won’t learn, and they will rebel. But if we provide guidance while maintaining hope, we give them the motivation to learn and grow in a healthier way.

Punishment should not be the first tool we reach for; understanding and guidance have a much greater and lasting impact. Before mastering these methods, however, we must first learn to control our behavior while expressing our emotions. The moment things begin to change for the better is when you learn to control your actions. I understand that when anger takes over, it's tough to stay in control, especially with your children. A quick slap might seem like an easy solution, but remember, "You may forget the words or actions in anger, but the person receiving them may remember forever." 

At MilaCom, we help people better understand their emotions, making it easier to change behavior and improve relationships—both within families and beyond.

To better understand and receive further information, we suggest scheduling a private appointment with us. This will allow us to assess your situation and guide you to the most suitable workshop. Below, you will find our contact information and links to the workshop catalogs for more details:

Contact and make an appointment via :https://www.milacom.be/en/contact-8

Workshops: https://www.milacom.be/en/formations

Thank you for taking the time to read this week’s blog!!! We look forward to sharing more in the next post, where we will present additional solutions to address your emerging challenges.